A “Hoarders” let-down

I love the show “Hoarders.” I hate the written chunks between segments. Not only are they unnecessary recaps, but they usually feature passive voice. I hate passive voice.

On the last episode, I was shocked to discover something I hate even more: an egregious error. Take a look:

Despite how people may want this to work, and expect it to work, the possessive form of “it” is “its.” No apostrophe. “It’s” is always a contraction for “it is” or “it has.” Those are the rules.

To the “Hoarders” production crew, I say, “Please stop hoarding apostrophes.”

“I” vs. “me” AGAIN

I’m not happy with the copy editor of today’s issue of the Savannah Morning News. In addition to allowing Arlinda Smith Broady to get away with using an ampersand in SCAD’s name on the front page of Exchange, the editor allowed an improper use of “I” on the front page of Accent. In a short about her new column, Christine Lucas wrote, “It’s just that he’s got my husband and I a little bit Rattled.” I’ll overlook the random capitalization because that could be a typo. The use of “I” however is ignorance. She shouldn’t have written it, but the copy editor should have caught it.

I don’t understand why this is so hard. As I explained in an earlier post, “I” is a subject pronoun and “me” is an object pronoun.

If you are doing something to someone or something, use “I” because you are the subject. If something is being done to you, use “me” because you are the object.

People incorrectly use “I” all the time. Why is “me” so frightening?

Eddie can’t stand watching television with me sometimes because I will mutter the correct version. And then sigh loudly.

So let’s go over it again. Here are some examples: Eddie and I are watching television. Dominic and Gideon watched television with Eddie and me. I said, “Dominic, give the remote to your father and me.” Eddie said, “Gideon, you and I are going upstairs right now because you can’t sit still.”

When in doubt, leave it out. Then see if the sentence makes sense. So Christine Lucas’ sentence without the other person would be, “It’s just that he’s got my husband and I a little bit Rattled.” That’s certainly not right. So use “me” instead: “It’s just that he’s got my husband and I me a little bit Rattled.” THAT makes sense. So the sentence should read, “It’s just that he’s got my husband and me a little bit Rattled.”

Copy editors should know these kinds of things. Now all of you do too.

Broadway thread addendum

Perhaps I wasn’t clear in my last post. At least, I wasn’t clear enough for new people visiting my blog from the Broadway discussion board. And for that, I apologize.

As “jmi” points out: “She didn’t really say anything in the blog other than that her friend found this thread. What’s interesting about that? We all found this thread too. “

Yes, indeed.

Here is why I posted the link to the thread on my blog:

1. Because I love it when people have in-depth discussions about grammar, punctuation and style

2. Because “gusto” posted (with gusto) that he/she had the only correct answer (“These are the rules”), when he/she was quite wrong according to a number of stylebooks. My favorite, the AP Stylebook, allows only quotation marks for composition titles.

3. Because Shane Marshall Brown saw the thread and thought of me. I love that people think of me when they see language mistakes or language discussions.

So thank you, “jmi,” for reminding me of the importance of considering my audience.

Loving this discussion board thread

Today’s post topic comes from my good friend Shane Marshall Brown. (He has one of those names where you just have to say the whole thing — like Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Anthony Michael Hall or Billy Bob Thornton. I’ve never referred to him as “Shane.” That would be weird.)

Anyway, he is a publicist for Broadway and off-Broadway shows, and discovered this thread about the show “ENRON.” My favorite part is the post where “gusto” asserts, “These are the rules.” It is a good thing “FleetStreetBarber” was there, or I would have had an AP canary all over that thread.

It is also a good thing I have this blog as a place to vent.

My eyes! My eyes!

I must thank Jacque, a student in the SCAD writing department, for providing the subject of tonight’s blog post. She reports that the image below was on the desktop of the college’s computers.

Ordinarily, I’d ask you to avert your eyes at such hideousness, but not tonight. Tonight I want you to look. Focus on it in all of its glory. And then let’s talk about it.

WHAT is going on here? Do people in these departments not know that there are people at SCAD who can help them write and design marketing materials? Is Montgomery Hal any relation to Shallow Hal? How many fonts are represented overall? And the colors! The colors! GAH!

Please make it stop.

I’ll have the hotdog hoootyy, please

Thanks to my friend Heidi, I am now wearing my mascara in a variety of places. She directed me to a site that has me weeping: http://engrishfunny.com/

Here is a sample of what you will see on this site:

Enjoy!

Update: Here is a similar site, courtesy of my friend Billy: http://engrish.com/

Academic rock star

I kept it together tonight. I did not throw my panties on the stage, or engage in any other unseemly fan behavior. I was, however, awestruck, and rendered speechless.

Stanley Fish spoke at SCAD.

The topic of his lecture was “How to Write a Sentence.” If you read his New York Times columns here (Part I) and here (Part II), you’ll get the gist of the lecture. Bottom line: Form is more important than content. People can express ideas and be creative only within the confines of syntax, and they must know syntax.

Now discuss among yourselves. I feel faint.

Need a Hen Pal?

Trish the Chicken now has her own Facebook page.

Trish updates her status

Trish is more technologically advanced than any chicken (and many people). Check her out:

My synecdoche is acting up

No one really asked for more rhetorical devices, but I’m on a roll. Here are four more of my favorites:

To use metallage (“Meh-TALL-uh-gee”) is to use a word or phrase as an object in a sentence. I’m going to go all “Pulp Fiction” on you and mention that scene with the Gimp. Marcellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) says, “You hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get medieval on your ass.”

In that same vein, periphrasis (“Per-IF-ruh-sis”) uses a description as a name. Think Harry Potter and “He Who Shall Not Be Named.” And I’d better not hear Eddie refer to me as “The Old Ball and Chain.” Or “Fat Ass,” for that matter.

Two more devices — metonymy and synecdoche — seem to be difficult for many people to understand, and there are plenty who say they are the same. They are not.

Metonymy (“Meh-TAH-no-mee”) refers to describing something indirectly by using similar items. For example, you can say “the deep” when you are talking about the ocean.

Synecdoche (“Sin-ECK-doh-key”) swaps a thing for a collection of things, or a part for a whole. For example, the bank foreclosed on our neighbor’s house. The representatives of the bank did it, but it is easier to say “the bank.”

The difference between metonymy and synecdoche is this: When A is used to refer to B, it is a synecdoche if A is a component of B, and a metonym if A is commonly associated with B but not actually part of its whole. Representatives are part of a bank, therefore it is synecdoche. But the ocean is deep (deep water is like an ocean), so it is metonymy.

Got it? Good, ’cause I don’t wanna go all medieval on you.

Hypophora? I hardly know her!

When last I blogged, I mentioned “litotes,” a rhetorical device that is similar to a double negative. This device, pronounced “LIE-tuh-teez,” allows someone to make a point by denying the opposite. For example, if I said, all regal-like, “We are not amused,” you would understand that all is not well, and that you should perhaps vacate the scene.

There are loads of other devices. As soon as I point them out, you’ll start seeing them everywhere.

Take, for example, chaismus (“Kie-AZ-mus”), a sentence that presents a mirror image of a concept. I often say that I work to live, not live to work, even though I do love my job.

Perhaps the most well-known chiasmus came from John F. Kennedy in his 1961 inaugural address: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

Two other devices are similar: antithesis and anadiplosis. Antithesis establishes a clear, contrasting relationship between ideas. For example, original moonwalker Neil Armstrong said of the 1969 landing: “One small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Some examples of antithesis are chiastic, but not all. And if it is chiastic, then just call it a chiasmus. Antithesis = general contrast; chaismus = specific mirroring.

Anadiplosis (“Anna-di-PLOH-sis”) goes one step further by repeating the last/first structure, but it is not a mirror. In ”Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” — a dreadful movie — Yoda said, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Do you want to know more about rhetorical devices? Of course you do. And asking and answering a question is called hypophora (“High-PAH-for-uh”).